This is my space just to vent. A release from my inner termoil. I may not even use capital letters, correct grammer or spelling.
July 9, 2006
It is two years ago today that i found out i have terminal ovarian cancer stage 3c. I have now made the 50% statistic. In the past two years i have had 4 different chemo drugs and have never been in remission. I hate this cancer, it makes me weak, tired and spacey. I can't have a normal life, I can't enjoy my daughter, husband and animals. My parents moved here, my mother in law has now invaded, but do they lighten my burden? NO! they drive me crazy.
Some days i just want to drive away and never come back. To drive to Mexico down to a beach somewhere and hide. I don't care if the bills are paid, I don't care if the beds are made, the dishes are done or if I have clean underware. I just want to enjoy the remaining life i have with my daughter and my husband. But noooooooo I have to work, pay the fucking bills, take care of everybody but myself. I am sick of extended families, sick of working, sick of worrying about money, bills, and my credit. I want my life back. I want my house back, I want to get rid of all the junk we have collected for 40 years and have a empty house. I don't want to take care of anyone that is over the age of 18.
What I want to do.
Clean my house. Sell, trash and remove anything not needed to survive.
Clean my carpets.
Paint the tachy wood paneling that runs thru every white trash texas house.
Paint my bedroom
paint the hallway
set up my very own stamping crafting room that i dont have to clean up or put stuff away when i am thru.
i want to go to the beach and run barefoot in the sand
i want to go deepsea fishing or just regular in a lake fishing with my new rod and real.
i want my daughter cleaned, in her jamies and ready for bed when i get home so that i can just spend time with HER for a whole hour before we go to bed. I get so tired of getting her ready for bed and never getting to spend quality time. I want to read to her, watch tv with her or just sit at the table and talk with her. I want someone to have a light snack ready for me when i get home from work. or even just a cup of water.
i would like more than just 5 hours sleep when I work.
ranting time done. I feel better now. will probably rant more later.
July 9, 2006
It is two years ago today that i found out i have terminal ovarian cancer stage 3c. I have now made the 50% statistic. In the past two years i have had 4 different chemo drugs and have never been in remission. I hate this cancer, it makes me weak, tired and spacey. I can't have a normal life, I can't enjoy my daughter, husband and animals. My parents moved here, my mother in law has now invaded, but do they lighten my burden? NO! they drive me crazy.
Some days i just want to drive away and never come back. To drive to Mexico down to a beach somewhere and hide. I don't care if the bills are paid, I don't care if the beds are made, the dishes are done or if I have clean underware. I just want to enjoy the remaining life i have with my daughter and my husband. But noooooooo I have to work, pay the fucking bills, take care of everybody but myself. I am sick of extended families, sick of working, sick of worrying about money, bills, and my credit. I want my life back. I want my house back, I want to get rid of all the junk we have collected for 40 years and have a empty house. I don't want to take care of anyone that is over the age of 18.
What I want to do.
Clean my house. Sell, trash and remove anything not needed to survive.
Clean my carpets.
Paint the tachy wood paneling that runs thru every white trash texas house.
Paint my bedroom
paint the hallway
set up my very own stamping crafting room that i dont have to clean up or put stuff away when i am thru.
i want to go to the beach and run barefoot in the sand
i want to go deepsea fishing or just regular in a lake fishing with my new rod and real.
i want my daughter cleaned, in her jamies and ready for bed when i get home so that i can just spend time with HER for a whole hour before we go to bed. I get so tired of getting her ready for bed and never getting to spend quality time. I want to read to her, watch tv with her or just sit at the table and talk with her. I want someone to have a light snack ready for me when i get home from work. or even just a cup of water.
i would like more than just 5 hours sleep when I work.
ranting time done. I feel better now. will probably rant more later.
posted by MsPenni at 8:53 AM
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